Commitment comes in all Conditions

Two weekends ago Sunday 2nd September, we had to divert from Brighton as Gay Pride week was on, so in an attempt to find somewhere equally easy to get to, we scoured the south coast and decided on Worthing... Sounds nice?!

It was grey, raining and miserable - remember, I am the queen of ‘It will be glorious’ but for once, the universe conspired to ensure we were prepared for different weather. In an attempt to not get everything soaked, we agreed in the end to drive Bridgets car and park next to the beach on the main road, and get changed in the car. Our plan was to only wear our swim gear, flipflops, take one towel each and the car keys. Everything else was in the car (including my own car keys, all the phones, money, etc).

Walking to the beach was fun, people in waterproofs, welly boots, coats and umbrellas watched bewildered, and we sniggered at the curious sight we must have made. Fortunately I had packed a dustbin liner, so we packed our towels and keys and headed into the sea. It is a weird experience swimming in the rain, quite liberating, what we hadn’t bargained on was the masses of brown seaweed, the dirty water and the rip tides. Nonetheless we were determined.

At one point we were trying to swim a final 10 meters to a flag pole, it took 10 minutes of hard push to get there and as soon as we did we were swept back again! It was at that point we noticed how high the tide was, so decided to call it quits. At 80 minutes we finally staggered onto the beach as we watched my flipflops already floating and the sea lifting the bag up on the waves. Remember, inside the bag was towels and keys, we had NOTHING else with us.

Whilst the universe might have had ideas about the weather it also had a warning about preparation and safety. Even though my preparation skills are ok, I’ve always been a bit reckless (hated that word when someone first called me it), but it was a sobering thought that we could have been on a beach in the rain in our swimsuits with no way to contact anybody, no money, no transport, no phone. I’m sure people would have taken pity on us....wouldn’t they?

To add insult, we discovered there were no showers - there are never hot ones, but the seaweed and water left us covered in muck, in the end we found a storage cupboard with trains in and changed there - so unglamorous!! Especially when the train man came in midway through....

So, whilst you may have seen countless shots of us on sunny beaches, smiling happily, with ever growing sun-tans, we are committed in all conditions, even if the worthing weather comes to visit us while we are on the boat - after all, as I learnt long ago.... Prior preparation prevents pi** poor performance!!

Tomorrow, Saturday 15th September, we are heading down to Sandbanks, for 2 days of swimming. The weather is destined to be beautiful, the beach is sandy, the sea certainly not as dynamic as Brighton, it will be the last time the four of us swim together before the Channel swim itself - Mental, Physical, Emotional and Spiritual Preparation all wrapped up together, can’t wait! Especially as the team swimsuits have arrived!!

Life is what happens to you when you are busy making plans

I’ve always been busy.

This challenge to swim the channel has once again put a major goal into my life that followed 4 years of pretty intense activity already, with my karate training for my 1st Dan (blackbelt), and building a house for 2 years, and then this last 18 months of training, and as we accelerate through the 2 weeks before the event, I am already thinking about what is next.

However, amidst all of that rushing around, my father has become very ill, a second stroke completely paralysing him this time - unlike last time he couldn’t beat it, and he has only a little time left.

Last week I had a melt down, my workload is huge again, we have decided to sell our beautiful home, trying to swim as much as possible in order to not let my team down, and then dealing with the intense emotions from my Dads condition and the impact on all of our family. I called for help from a friend, I don’t do that often, She listened as I sobbed, and then asked a powerful question, an obvious question unless you are busy....What are you going to ‘Not Do’.

In the split second of realising I could give myself permission to not do it all - the relief was audible. You would think once you’d experienced this you would never forget, oh no, it has happened many times over the years, and here I am again, needing a nudge from someone who cares.

So how does all that relate to my channel swim? I’ve been so busy I nearly forgot to enjoy it... I had an incredible holiday at the end of July when I swam nearly every day, one day I swam 4 hours over the day which should be the maximum we swim at the end of this month, and I reveled in it! But once I came back, got back into work, got sick with laryngitis, and got too busy to swim frequently, I realised it had become a chore.

Oh my god! 'Life' becomes a chore when you are too busy!

Or of course your 'busy-ness is not aligned to your purpose :)

Saturday the universe conspired to reward me for deciding what NOT to do, I prioritised Dad and Swimming over everything else, and Brighton was beautiful, the sun shone, the sea was like a lake and our first 75 minute swim was easy, invigorating and fulfilling. The second swim equally wonderful, and then lounging in the sun on the beach musing with my friends was a real oasis.

On reflection, I have always sought an oasis, that has been what has kept me nourished to deal with the rest of my busy world. I need to build my oasis into my daily world, to find solace in my family, joy in simplicity and quiet, and hope in a productive future rather than a busy one. As another good friend said ‘Your biggest challenge would be to spend the next 3 months doing nothing’...

I confess, I’m not sure how I will do that yet, but if you are my friend and you are reading this, rest assured I’ll be calling on you.

www.justgiving.com/nikki-watkins-seabreezers

Sea Breezers in the Sea at last!

"Look at the Waves" "let's find the lifeguards and ask them where to swim." "OK, but let's tell them we are experienced open water swimmers but that we haven't swum in Brighton before" "Have you got suntan lotion on?" "No, I never wear it, we'll be fine" !

Saturday 30th June

The sun shining, the wind blowing, we ventured to Brighton. Just Niki and I with our new GB Olympic styled swimsuits and new white mirrored goggles, and pink Gnarly Nutters hats - Funny how your kit seems so important to set you up for a good swim!. With 18 mph ssw wind, and 0% chance of rain, it was still surprising how empty the beach was, in fact when we arrived at 11.30 (we waited for the cloud to clear), there were no swimmers, and anyone else who was mad enough to be on the beach was fully clothed.

Please take our picture?" we said to the couples next to us who were watching our rituals of getting ready, and the man with the two small children called at us and our bravery:)

'

The advice was to swim in front of the buoys (about 100 meters out from shore), it took 7 minutes just to get out to a place where the waves were breaking slightly less over our heads, we squealed and giggled as we leapt up over the enormous waves, trying to look like we had even been in the sea before, eventually we realised we just had to swim.

So we swam! and we smiled, and swam and swallowed sea water, and swam some more, The sea was powerful, and as we relaxed into the rhythm it struck me that the one thing I didn't have to think about was the swimming, my arms and legs were working as they needed to, thank goodness for the relentless pool lengths, the cold water swims, the lake challenges, and the muscle memory. For the first time, I truly, really, just thought about the conditions, rolling with the waves, aiming for the top of the big crashing ones, and waiting for the next breath if the waves crashed over me. And of course, every time I looked left there was Lemon, a pink hat, reminding me that we are in this together.

That was just before we both lost our goggles. 42 minutes into our first swim. Gone within 60 seconds of each other. Once more a reminder of how powerful the sea is, dunked, rolled, bashed and stripped of sight. And a 15 minute walk back to our towels on the stony beach. Advice from the Lifeguard "Wear your goggles under your hat, that way they can't get swept off" DUH! Seeemples!!!

Not to be outdone. We warmed up for an hour, ate, drank, sunbathed fully clothed, and snuggled under towels, blankets, and Johns big dressing gown. Then we got up and did it again, spare goggles under our hats this time, and the waves even bigger. 25 minutes to swim to the buoys this time, In the end we just swam, as if in a wave machine in a pool, going nowhere, but exhausting swimming and such great experience. A few vomiting sessions, alot of gagging on salt water, and a thousand flashes of memory of the sun breaking through, shining on our shoulders, the GB swimsuits flashing white and blue, the pink hats visible above everything, and the noise of the waves with the silence of being amidst them. 64 minutes. Done. A little sunburn won't stop us doing it again:)

Simply beautiful. Simply swimming. Simply the Sea. Sea Breezers Go.

Command your thoughts...

Wednesday 27 June 2012

“Are you going slower or am I going faster?” I said to Niki Lemon this morning during our early morning sabbatical to the Serpentine amidst the mosquitos and weeds...

Funny how we compare ourselves to others (or is that just me :) Every time I hit another milestone I think about all those who do it better, faster, smarter, more efficiently, for longer, and remind myself I can do more. Well, not as gently as a reminder most of the time.

That little voice that sits on my shoulder asking me if I am good enough, or telling me i’m not. She’s the one that visits when I am feeling vulnerable, scared, defensive or just a bit low, and then I doubt myself. Over the years I have built various strategies for dealing with that, and whilst some of those are still external, (it’s good to be reassured), the most powerful is when I have a quiet word with myself, revisit old affirmations, re-read the inspiring words of Marianne Williamson, or with my belief in synchronicity something drops into my inbox/is said/ appears on facebook:- This morning it was ‘If you want to be happy set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates energy and inspires your hopes’ Andrew Carnegie.

Command your thoughts. They run away with you!

Saturday 14th June

The Sea Breezers set a goal to go to Dover to swim our 2 hour ratification swim for the channel. The weather was horrific, so instead we hit the serpentine at 6.45 am, had a morale boosting discussion, committed to each other that the 5 of us (including our coach and friend Pete) would do the 2 hour swim no matter what. It was pretty non-negotiable, and with that at the front of my mind, the rest was history.

It was a first, a first for me, and a first for everyone else! None of us had ever swum 2 hours constantly in one bout and certainly not in 15 degree water. We talked about it afterwards and realised the collective commitment was by far the biggest determinant of success in the end. For me, I didn’t even allow any thought to enter my head except a gentle countdown, an easy rhythm, and staying in the present, no dramatising, no forward projecting, and no doubt.

When we are in the channel in September, I will know that I can swim 2 hours, and with that knowing comes a little peace.

With all the preparation in May and June - Eton for 2 different open water swims, Marlow Lake Monday and Thursday nights, and the Serpentine for early morning day break swims, I was ready for a trip to the Seaside - June 30th 2012 - Niki Lemon and I couldn't wait!

Humility Rules OK

The Lake is open!!

That's the thought I woke up with, after talking to another swimmer in wycombe pool about the fact the olympians are swimming in it (Russians I think...) they've come early, and every 50 meter pool in the area has given up water for this wonderful mission! He asked me if I'd swum in the lake yet, I boldly told him I was way ahead of him, having swum the Serpentine in a swimsuit and Poole in rainy, choppy conditions. Pride before a fall?....

In all eagerness I reached out to anyone I thought might 'fancy' a swim with me in the Westhorpe lake in marlow on Bank holiday monday 7th May. Plenty of hope as always, and just 45 minutes before planned entry the lovely Juliette called asking if I was going - 'Really??'. Now, it's not normal for me, but for some reason I felt a little trepdation around this particular swim, I confessed to being nervous and delight at her coming. Perhaps the thought of going alone, or the knowledge that with only 20 weeks to go, I just have to 'get on with it' - there are no walls to kick off from, it just requires one arm after the other, and the face to be in the water. I say 'Just'....

On arrival there were about 30 other swimmers, including a few from the Gnarly nutters clb that I regularly swim with - Craig and Richard, all talking about doing a full loop of the lake - around a mile if I understand correctly. Juliette, a little more sensible, was suggesting (and only because she'd already cycled 77 miles that day - gulp) that we just swim to the first buoy and back. My bravado, lack of analysis on the enormity of the situation led me to agree a full loop was the only option. Fully wetsuited, 2 hats, goggles, ear plugs, and getting into the 12 degree water was ok!

The 'OK' Ended there

The wetsuit felt like an over tight glove strangling my neck, the murky water with the branches, leaves and floating debris was disturbing, the cold seeped into my brain, and the buoy looked miles away, even further when every stroke doesn't take you forwards but sideways (I haven't figured out swimming in a straight line). Thank the Lord for Juliette, for her patience, her gentleness, her encouragement and her constant checking in that I was ok. Breathing became the biggest problem, the inability to take a full breath, regardless of how much I tried to relax, although the voice of the two men who coached us at the serpentine and poole also didn't allow for much relaxation

"Keep swimming, you'll get too cold, and then you will be in trouble!"

So the conflict continued in my head.

'Don't cry' 'Get me out of here''Keep Swimming' 'Please let me stop''The wetsuit will help if you let it''My arms aren't working'

. The voices were so loud.

It's cathartic to write this all down. Some things I do know:- The journey to the end game can be tough, and the tough days maximise learning in a way that good days just don't seem to. I had a few like that in the training for my BlackBelt in Karate a few years ago. I cried for 2 days solid after one particularly tough session. Speaking to a a leader today, he spoke to the value of making mistakes/'losing'/ failing, being 3-4 times more powerful than the winning, and it's what I preach to leaders regularly. The 'Knowing Doing Gap' as i would say to my kids. AND a greater purpose than just crossing the lake - watch out for our JustGiving page...

As much as I want to be superwoman, perfect, invincible, and have all the drivers to be ok, this was a reminder of the power of nature, and the enormity of the mind over body, and a perfect learning point to see how I responded. We stopped short of the first buoy and Juliette gave me permission to swim back, touching her toes, swimming 40 strokes at a time. Vulnerable, Humbled, and trying to digest the learning without beating myself to hard, we made it back.

It seems so dramatic now in hindsight, but was so scary at the time, and patience with myself is going to be a key part of the next 20 weeks.

Once again, I have Juliette to thank, who broke down the journey into bitesize chunks, and a wonderful phone call with Niki as I whimpered down the phone, a vital reminder that women, when we support each other, are powerful beyond measure (to quote Marianne Williamson), and I know, I know now, that there will be more times like this, but I am not alone. There are wonderful people there to remind us that when we ask, we seek, we are vulnerable, people will step in and help and how wonderful that is to be cared for in such a visible way.

The Sea Breezers in Poole - 28 April 2012

Mastering swimming in the Sea was always going to be the toughest step. So apart from our one Dover swim in September 2011 and our various holidays this was the first Sea Breezers swim. Whilst the weather on Friday was glorious blue sky and gentle waves, 7am Saturday morning proved a little different, the rain, wind and cold returned during the night to sap any warmth we'd built up from the toasty bagels and hot tea breakfast.

Bob Holman, our new best friend, chairman of the East Dorset Open water swimming association, and all round fantastic guy met us, in the rain, on the beach at 8am, an incredible response to my 'fair maiden call for help'. This, after my Uncle Paul (and Aunty Mary who we were staying with), said he would not support us going into a new sea without a clear picture of the tides, the risks and the areas we should swim in. Thank goodness we did, Bob guided us in the route to swim, walked along the shore to keep an eye on us, and coached us on how to cope properly in the cold (stay fit, so you can keep up the stroke, which means the core stays warm) - "Seeemples", Big hats off though, as confident as the four of us were, the safety and assurance of having an expert close by was just wonderful.

Thank Bridget for taking the picture!

So, what of the swim? We made the decision to wear wetsuits, in the rain, wind and cold, we decided it was more important to do the swim, learn about our reactions to the waves, the cold on our heads and the gagging from salt water, rather than get too cold and only last for a short time. An hour in, just under 2 miles, and the only one swimming straight was Sarah, why doesn't the sea have lines on the bottom!!

Niki's parents also joined us on the beach, Richard being stir crazy after a hip operation (and then marching around on the sand with his crutches!!), and Susie being a great mum ready with the umbrella and a hug, and then looking after Moralee's wetsuit (yes she went in for the last 20 minutes in a swimsuit - she's well hard). One swim down, Chilblains, Frozen limbs, Bruised chafed necks, but all worth it, Brighton in 2 weeks, Eton 3k swim in 4 weeks, and the schedule continues...getting in the sea proved that we can all do it, we can swim for an hour, and that the rain, the choppy sea and the cold are just part of the ever changing landscape, in the words of some great philosopher

Go Big or Go Home

A year can make all the difference....

I walked into the heated pool area had a 20 minute chat with Pete Frost my new swim coach, and after an attempt to swim a length of breast stroke, he uttered the now immortal words 'OKAY! Let's start with the basics, floating, rotating and breathing, before we even consider swimming frontstroke'. That was 22 March 2011.

Moralee and I walked into the heated pool area, said hello to the Gnarly Nutters tri club and joined them for a 1 hour swim including 15 x 100 meters off 2 minutes. A quick sauna and a break for 45 minutes and back into the pool for exactly an hour and 150 lengths. A quick banana break for 30 mins and then back in for a final half an hour of 15 x 100 meters. 2.5 hours nearly 7 kilometers. That was 17 March 2012.

Lemon and I walked into Hyde Park, as the sun peeked gently through wispy cloud, and we watch 2 men with pink hats and pink skin swimming past us in the serpentine, we spot the other two 'sea breezers' waiting by the club house (Moralee and Gisby) and squeal excitedly before stripping off to our swimsuits, giggling at our madness and heading for the steps.

That was today, 7.30am Saturday 14th April 2012, we lasted 20 minutes, in 10 degree water, (if you want to know how that feels, just dip your head in a big tub of ice cream...my twin Andi and our friend Dibs may recall doing that aged 13... )and then had the shakes so bad we could hardly drink our tea! (From the left:- Niki Lemon, Bridget Gisby, Sarah Moralee, Nikki Watkins)

One benefit of swimming in the river was we met some of the fantstic serpentine team, chatted about the channel and got additional ideas for how we're going to approach it, the naked men in the shared small changing hut were a little surprising (not much to see after the cold water though:) heh heh, but when you realise how cold your body is, your modesty leaves you and getting the wet swimsuit off is all that matters...thanks John for your old dressing gown, we'll all be looking for old heavy towelling robes now! Mum hand them over:)

Anyway, a year does make a difference, I've learnt to respect water with its variety of temperatures, flows, tastes, and buoyancy. I understand more than ever that the mind does matter, I've discovered proper fuel is required or my body doesn't work, and today I discovered the absolute pleasure of swimming parallel with my sea breezer team, able to see their bodies and faces and to feel the collective energy of this powerful group of women, I am so proud to be a part of it!

Roll on our shared sea training sessions, go large or go home.